Bad Apple
by Tina Vainamoinen
Summary: Lovino is on a downward spiral as he plunges further into depression. It seems as though nothing can save him. But, in his head, there is a way. WARNING: Cutting, implied bullying, ect.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or "Bad Apple" by Touhou Project.**

**A/N: I highly suggest listening to "Bad Apple". It's REALLY good! If you want to listen to the version of the song showed here, listen to the japanese version. I got the lyrics from a video on YouTube with Oliver (vocaloid) singing it. Please enjoy and please review.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Even with the time flowing by._  
_I look around without a single thought._  
_'Til I'm spinning round and round again._

_And I can't even see._  
_The heart that's leaving me._  
_Behind in a world where the dark is everything._

Growing up, Lovino had a pretty tough life. With his parents dying when he was five, and his nonno paying a little too much attention to his twin, that was to be expected. To the outside world, he was a bad-mouthed Italian with tons of fiery spirit. But behind closed doors, he prefered to just sit in his room, away from anything that could hurt him emotionally. Except himself.

_Everything's so hard to move._  
_And I'm falling, falling through._  
_The emptiness inside the open gaping cracks of time._

_While I don't know what's up, what is down, what's left or right._  
_Just me, myself, and I._  
_With no one beside me._

From the age of 12, he began wearing long-sleeved shirts more often. No one knew why, but when anyone tried to get him into something cooler, he'd bare his teeth like an angry fox and scurry off. To be honest, he'd love to wear short-sleeves again, to not scare off others by acting savage. But the shame of the scars and fresh cuts on his arms was too great.

_Is it all a dream, is it nothing that I see?_  
_Words fall useless as I speak._  
_Lying broken at my feet._

_I'm so tired of being sad._  
_Dried up tears driving me mad._  
_Beating up an empty heart's what I needed from the start._

Many times, he found himself writing letters that cried for help. However, instead of giving them to someone, he'd tear them up and watch the debris fall to his feet. He wanted nothing more than to stop crying at night.

_Even if you tried to speak._  
_The words that I need._  
_Hollow heart would make it void, 'til your voice was all destroyed._

_But if I could break away._  
_Change this heart that makes me stay._  
_Try to find the thing I think I lack, I'd turn everything to black._

There was this one boy, Antonio, that ran up to him one day in highschool. Lovino could tell he was a Spaniard by his accent. It was obvious that he wanted to make friends, and Lovino would have been glad to. That is, until, he reminded himself of the cuts on his arms...no, too horrible and shameful. So Lovino pushed Antonio away, with very much remorse. If only he could break out of this depressing state.

_Will the sun ever rise for someone who lives a lie?_  
_Do I really exist in a world shaped like this?_  
_Do these scars mean I'm in pain?_

_Do these tears mean I'm sad?_  
_I don't even know my heart._  
_Don't know if I'm good or bad._

Lately, Lovino was feeling conflicted. How could he be so spit-fire outside, but nearly empty inside? Looking at the scars that ranged from long to short on his arms, he wasn't even sure if they hurt any more. If the blade of a knife hurt any more. Then why did he still cry every time? He was confusing himself now. How pathetic.

_I'm just tired of taking steps, on a road that never ends._  
_People I can't understand._  
_Meanings slipping through my hands._

_If someone like me could change._  
_No, if I could change._  
_Would everything be alright, would my heart turn to white?_

It was like he was just walking in continuous circles, since nothing changed, no matter how hard he tried. Almost half the time, he wondered if he could ever change before he turned into a hollow shell of himself. But time was running out. That was something he didn't know.

_Even with the time flowing by._  
_I look around without a single thought._  
_'Til I'm spinning round and round again._

_And I can't even see._  
_The heart that's leaving me._  
_Behind in a world where the dark is everything._

He decided that either life wasn't fair, or he'd simply been forsaken. It was obvious that no matter how many times he prayed, nothing was going to help him. What had happened to the little boy that would stand up to someone twice his size? Not even he knew.

_Everything's so hard to move._  
_And I'm falling, falling through._  
_The emptiness inside the open gaping cracks of time._

_While I don't know what's up, what is down, what's left or right._  
_Just me, myself, and I._  
_With no one beside me._

Seven times, he'd gotten in trouble for falling asleep in class. And he tried everything. Drinking coffee and energy drinks twice daily, and carrying around a bottle of water so he could splash his own face. But for some reason, he was always tired. Besides that, he was very pale. Someone, maybe the school nurse, said it was the signs of blood-loss. Lovino didn't find that hard to belive.

_Is it all a dream, is it nothing that I see?_  
_Words fall useless as I speak._  
_Lying broken at my feet._

_I'm so tired of being sad._  
_Dried up tears driving me mad._  
_Beating up an empty heart's what I needed from the start._

Something had caught his attention one day. He was thinner than he'd been a few months ago. Some might say he looked almost spindly. His ribs were obvious under the thin veil of his pale skin. The discover horrified him. So the most reasonable solution was to try eating a bit more than usual. But by the next week, there was little change. Even though he told himself to eat more, his portions of food actually became smaller. This, of course, caught the attention of school bullies. Just his luck.

_Even if you tried to speak._  
_The words that I need._  
_Hollow heart would make it void, 'til your voice was all destroyed._

_But if I could break away._  
_Change this heart that makes me stay._  
_Try to find the thing I think I lack, I'd turn everything to black._

With the cutting, confliction, and bullying all combining in his life, Lovino wasn't very sure how long he'd last. Twice in one week, he'd fainted. Once in his room, once in school. Now he was wondering if it was all worth it.

_If I tried to move away x2._

_ Everything would be destroyed x2._

_ If I let myself cry x2._

_Would everything be alright, would my heart turn to white?_  
_I know nothing about you._  
_I know nothing about me._

The time for counseling came a little too late. Lovino would just sit there, tuning out everything, and just think. He had the option of listening, and somehow finding a way to stop all this misery. But he already had a different way, one he'd been thinking about for a while. When the thought first popped into his head, tears had immediately sprung into his eyes. Now, it seemed a bit more logical in his miserable and malnourished state. Yet, he still wondered if it would help much.

_I know nothing about life._  
_I don't know about anything._  
_If I open my eyes._

_Instead of waiting for sunrise._  
_Then break apart the cracks._  
_And let everything be black!_

It was windy. Almost as if it were the world's way of encouragement. "Let go," it whispered. Lovino's hands tightened on the rail of the bridge behind him. This was the only way, now. At least in his head it was. Tears began to flood down his cheeks, blurring his vision. But as they fell, a bitter-sweet smile curved his lips. This was alright. So, with that thought, he let go. The fall felt like a lifetime to him. It took every last moment of his life.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: I'm kinda crying right now. A friend of mine suggested doing this as another awareness story. There are a lot of people out there who this does happen to.**

**A way to stop it from happening is to just respect and be nice to others. Even if you don't like them, everyone needs respect. Start the Ripple**.


End file.
